| Just some thoughts. |
[22 Dec 2009|02:22am] |
Yo. I'm Rebecca. I introduced myself once ages ago but I never posted here after that, though I occasionally comment. I never thought I had anything to say or bring to the proverbial table. Then I wrote this journal entry and I was like, "Hey." So anyway this is my first non-introductory post.
Tonight, my girlfriend asked me if I had ever considered a sex change. This partially excited me because I feel like in most places where I work or live, it is a taboo subject, and I really just want to be able to talk about it freely and openly, like we'd discuss what we want for lunch or what we think about this book or movie. Any gender stuff at all, whether or not the discussion involves transsexuality, is so interesting to me--yet for some reason a lot of people willingly block transsexuality out of it.
Anyway, so I was just sitting here being awake and on the Internets and pondering this and being like, "Why not use this as an opportunity to ramble about myself in a public sphere? It's fun!"
I have indeed been in periods where I heavily contemplate the state of my femaleness, or lackthereof, or total differentness, and whether that is "male" and whether I am unhappy with anything about my femaleness, or whether I am desiring of physical maleness. I even picked a male name out for myself in the possible event that I concluded a sex- and gender-change is "for me."
Definitely, there is a maleness to my personality and my sexuality. Although I tried to deny and to push it toward the back of my consciousness in early childhood, and only timidly and privately addressed it throughout my adolescence, having it manifest many times more frequently and unwittingly through outlandish, rebellious, and overtly sexual ways (one could argue it was a sort of secondary "male adolescence" I guess), when I began reading about gender in my early 20s (feels weird to say that, haha, since I'm still technically IN my early 20s...), I became excited and, soon, liberated by coming to see the various ways one can experience and express their gender and sex. It is not so set in stone, so ~binary~. It is fluid, amorphous, many things, a spectrum.
It's okay to be female and male at the same time, in varying degrees and intensity. This doesn't have to be a conflict. It can be a marriage.
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| What's a fella to do. ?!? |
[21 Dec 2009|10:16pm] |
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Let me do a total re-introduction. Nat 22, gender chopp`d & screwed. Have you ever been caught in a situation that seems like its impossible to tell or even express? I have this amazing girlfriend and its been close too about 2 months with us, and the first month we were together she went home for Thanksgiving break, and that was hard and now she back home with her family again 'till the 4th of January. My bday is on the 30th & our 2 months is on the 23rd and you know Christmas of 'course. Its been weird w/o her by my side ... Enough on that note. I have been having these thoughts about transiting for a long time at that and I brought it up to her and she was very supportive during the conversation but she said to me that she doesn't believe she could ever see me as a MAN. I have my own definition of a man, & that is a "MAN" isn't defined by whats between his legs - all the FTM's I know have the strongest mental state I have ever come in contact with. I feel like my mental sate has overcome the female mind that I have, a brain is powerful, like a sponge . I want to transition one day but the mental state is a journey that I have to go through before any testosterone hits my body. 
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[21 Dec 2009|12:34pm] |
Hey this is probably not allowed here but I thought I'd give it a try any way but Im starting this blog about my everyday life and I kind of need people to actually read this thing so im doing the advertising thing. You can delete this post if this is not allowed, but i talk about pretty much everything so don't be afraid to check it out.
Here's the link
http://moswaggz.blogspot.com/
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| So, I'll Be Boarding A Kid's BP... |
[21 Dec 2009|12:20am] |
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...and these friggin kids are challenging everything I knew about ball pythons. I've been in the game for 8 years, and they're making me look retarded. So I'd like this trusted, experienced clan to set me right.
It's apparently a male, and it's apparently about a year old. And he's already 3.5' long.
Isn't that ridiculously big for a male of that age? How long does it take for them to reach full size?
Also, apparently the girl that started this "hot potato" game (she bought it, gave it to one dude, who gave it to my friend, who's passing it to me), is going to want to borrow him back in a few months to breed him. Isn't that way too young? Back in my day, sexual maturity wouldn't be reached until they were like 8 years old, and a quick google generalization now says 3-5 years. But if he -is- only about a year, say a year and a half by then, isn't that stilll...a juvi shooting blanks, so to speak?
What's more, she's saying it's a "banded" ball, but I saw a picture and I kid you not, it looks totally normal. Excellent, bright vivid coloration like my girl, Sheba, but the pattern has no anomilies. I've googled the morph and it seems to be a known morph but I don't see what the huzzah is about in most specimens. Can someone shed some light on this?
Also- I'm going to have to get the setup for it. I have the cage, hides, water dish. No problem. But I'm going to have to buy heating elements and substrate for him, and while it's been agreed that I'll be paid back, do I have any legal standing in keeping him until I am paid back? Since he's living under my roof, and I'm spending the money to care for it...
Last question. Feeding schedule. I've always thought 7-10 days with an appropriately sized rodent was it. This girl feeds a med. rat once every 2 weeks. Isn't that less than he should be getting? I mean, it's winter, and my girl is kind of on that schedule (although really, I feed her whenever she tells me she's hungry, whether it be every 5-7 days during summer and once every 2-3 weeks during winter).
Thanks!
Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
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| Los Angelino/a? Want to protest Ugandan bill against LGBT people? |
[20 Dec 2009|01:41am] |
Live in or near Hollywood? Want to protest criminalization of homosexuality, specifically the murderous Ugandan bill against LGBT people? Well, it's happening TUESDAY, the 22nd!
cliiiick http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=211085097067
From the event coordinator:
Date: Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Time: 10:00am - 1:00pm
Location: 7095 Hollywood Blvd. Los Angeles, CA
"The Ugandan government has proposed a bill entitled the "Anti-Homosexuality" bill. If this bill is passed, it would mean the legalization of genocide against lgbt people in Uganda.
"The protest is located outside of the L.A Honorary Consul to Uganda's office. His name is Matthew Crouch. After repeatedly calling and emailing his office he has still failed to provide the public with a statement regarding his stance on the bill. This failure to act on such a serious issue is reason enough to protest outside of his office."
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| My introduction, if you please |
[20 Dec 2009|02:52am] |
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music |
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"Guilty As Charged" by Dewey Cox |
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My name is Joanna, 31 years old, and I've been a member of this community for a few years now, though I have never posted before. I honestly couldn't tell you what I am. I guess I've always been confused and feel as though I am ever fated to be so.
I have always found myself sexually attracted to men, but I have had crushes on a few females before. However, I can never quite imagine myself with a woman sexually. I have always been thought of by other people, as a first impression, a lesbian, as I have never been girly in my life, much to the dismay of my mother. It's just not a part of my being I suppose.
I've always felt as though I'm really a guy. And when I say that I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body, I'm not joking. However, I don't think of changing myself into one either...I just wish I had been born one. Sometimes though, and I mean sometimes, I don't mind being a woman.
I suppose this isn't much of an introduction. I feel as though I'm not really saying what I mean to say here.
I guess I could end this in saying that I truly do identify with those of you on here.
I am hear, I am confused, and today...it's not so bad.
Thank you!
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| Udate on my pastel ball |
[19 Dec 2009|08:51am] |
So, I've had her for about three weeks now and she still has not touched food. I tried first on a f/t pinkie which was apparently just a bad idea altogether. Then, a f/t hopper which she also ignored, and she is currently ignoring a live mouse.
I have her in a 20g aquarium with many hides etc. but she won't even go into her hides. I don't know what to do. Should I move her to a 10g? Should I leave her be and see what happens?
I heard her sibling has finally eaten, so I'm hoping she will too..
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[18 Dec 2009|08:32pm] |
haircut.
hell yes.
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| When the sun is up... |
[17 Dec 2009|04:21pm] |
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I feel empowered when the sun is up. Nothing can get me down. I am strong, confident, awesome. I have amazing hair, awesome friends, a great imagination and personality. I may not know what I want to do with my life as a whole, but I am creative and have several ideas on what I CAN do. When the sun is down, I feel listless and depressed. I think to myself, "Why am I doing all this? Everybody hates me now". I get very lonely. Give me some hot cider and someone to keep me company, or someone to talk to, and I generally spring right back up and remember that it's not so bad, really. Thank you Winter, for taking and providing, but still being generally lovely. You are a moodswung mistress and I love you. I have Before and After photos! I absolutely LOVE B&A pics, so if you guys have links to some yourself, I would love to see. c: ( pics under cut )
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| My girlfriend is a transguy. |
[16 Dec 2009|06:29pm] |
So I've been with Keri for almost a year now and I love her with all of my heart. She is the best person I have ever met, and even though I've made mistakes she has stood by me and she knows I will always stand by her. When she first told me she was diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder when she was 18 I wasn't really surprised. She told me that because of her family and the way her life is that she would never transition, but then one day she sidelined me telling me she was really serious about transitioning. I was really upset at first, scared she would change when she started taking testosterone but I'm at a point where I am very supportive and I've let go of the selfish part of me that wanted her to stay how she is. I want her to be happy because I don't want to marry her and then when she's 55 being miserable because she never lived life how she wanted and then for things to become bad between us. I want her to live her life to its full potential, and I want to be there with her through it all.
Today she got her prescription for testosterone!!! We're both so excited. She gets her first injection on Tuesday, and I'm going with her. But even though I am feel that inside she is a male, there is still one problem. I feel like I will never be able to use male pronouns when I talk about her just because I've known her as a girl. She says she honestly doesn't care and that she wants to just be seen as how she feels on the inside, but I know that it would be hard for her to hear me calling her a girl all the time when really she is not.
So my questions to any transguys, or girlfriends of transguys or even ex girlfriends who dated their significant other before they transitioned are: Did you find it hard to start to use male pronouns? Did you find it easier once you started to see the changes for yourself? If your significant other was close with your parents before the transition, how did you explain to your parents? What are some things I can do or say to help make this easier for Keri, considering her family isn't very open to the idea of Keri transitioning?
Just for fun here are some pictures!
( me and keri! )
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| new beginnings and new hair |
[15 Dec 2009|02:28pm] |
So I had the most wonderful night last night!
I came out to my bestie in the whole wide Washington state as trans, and he was wonderfully accepting... thus far the most accepting person I've come out to in my family/friends.
also, I shaved the sides of my head... I'm not sure how much I like it myself
Maybe I'll like it more when It grows out?
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| Hey! |
[16 Dec 2009|03:20pm] |
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Just checking in, my finals week is almost over and I need a break!
I'm newly single, and I'm so bored. Its like I have no idea what to do with myself anymore.
Blah.
So my question is- What are your holiday plans?
( So it's not only text! )
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| Just plain GAY |
[16 Dec 2009|10:55am] |
I find myself in a constant state of sex and gender flux, but the constant seems to be more "gay" leaning. I went through a trans period, where I shaved my head and took a man's name, but during that period, my partner was male. My hair has since grown back, and I've taken on a very, very femme identity for the first time in my life (Skirts! Heels! My God!), and this newfound femininity has me leaning towards finding a female partner. I tend to date the gender I'm "impersonating."
Anyone else do this?
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[16 Dec 2009|01:32am] |
Having short hair means that you are constantly in desperate need of a haircut.
Will you comment with either a photo of your hair and/or a hairstyle you adore?
I want something new and refreshing. And birly, of course.
Thank you! :)
( Cuts I am currently loving )
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| Today is a great day... |
[15 Dec 2009|08:04pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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Hey all! I haven't posted in a while, but here is a video post summing up my happiness today
(This is going to be posted almost anywhere I can post. My bad, I'm just excited and want to share)
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[15 Dec 2009|01:19am] |
I recorded a new song tonight. I'm working on somewhat of a concept album - about the longing to be a sailor, the journey while you're there, and finally the realization that you want to be home.
This new song is supposed to be a letter written while away. I hope you enjoy it :)
Click here to listen
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| vancouver |
[14 Dec 2009|07:41pm] |
Hello everyone!
My firends and i are in vancouver bc for the next few days, and we were wondering what some fun (queer) things to do around town would be. preferably night festivities...of the dancing vatriety. something like a queer night at a cool club would be great. most of the gay clubs we have seen were more directed towards men, and i am looking for something more generally queer, or for women. anyway let me know of some fun things to do, also just anything neat around town would be great becasue we can't just do queer dancy things at night now can we.
note: if any of you know of any hip places taht aren't necessarily queer that is cool too. most of the bars we have found are sort of sporty/bro places, which is only fun for so long.
thanks!!!
-britt
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[15 Dec 2009|07:17am] |
Hello all beings human,my name is Nicole and I have a problem with sleep. I don't think its insomnia,I think its my screwed up body clock that only sleeps at 7am in the morning and wakes up at 6pm in the night. Yeah,I'm totally a vampire already and should be living on the other side of the world ha. Anyone have any suggestions for "cures" or ways to put my body clock back in place? Naturally and without medication of course.
Other than my sleep problems...how are all of you? What do you want for christmas! How has the weather been!
( Shortest post ever before my 7am bedtime )
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| Hello snake friends! |
[14 Dec 2009|12:57pm] |
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mood |
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My boyfriend has been wanting an ETB for a while. For Christmas, I think I'm going to get him an enclosure (so he can pick out the snake when he's ready). I'm totally useless with building things, so I was hoping to buy one online. Most are really expensive (which isn't a big deal, I'm willing to pay for good quality), and won't an ETB just grow out of it's baby tank anyways? How is this for a starter enclosure: http://www.petco.com/product/108504/Zoo-Med-Naturalistic-Terrarium.aspx?CoreCat=OnSiteSearch
And do any of you have ETBs and could give me some basic DOs and DON'Ts so I don't mess up? I'm going to do research, but it's always nice to hear it from an owner themselves.
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